Why Can't I Be Normal?

Illisandria sat down on the cliff and looked over the horizon, watching the sun set with a touch of nostalgia. The setting sun's rays painted the blue sky in a rainbow of warm colours, cool ones being chased away as if they were intruders in the land of the night. She breathed a small tongue of crimson flame and hissed as they did not match the beautiful hues in the air above her. "Stupid demon...stupid Camaerith Carthain...stupid everything! Why can't I be normal?"

Xanyu left the castle for the first time in the time she had been at Lillegard. She remembered how large the island looked from a few miles away off shore in Hendry's boat. She walked in the direction she believed the cliffs she had seen were. She walked on, listening to the wind blow through the leaves, smelling the air, all that jazz. She continued through the forest and finally came to the cliffs.

Xanyu widen her eyes at the sun set. It was so pretty here, actually it was the first one she had seen so of course it was pretty. She then noticed the girl that sat at the ledge of the cliffs. Xanyu walked closer but froze as the girl started yelling. Xanyu almost turned around to leave the girl alone, but she didn't want to skip out on her first sun set. "U....Um...Being normal isn't wonderful. Though, I wouldn't know, being abnormal myself."

Xanyu waited till the girl finished. She didn't know what this Camaerith was but she certainly did want to say something.

Turning around, Illisandria smiled, "Thank you for the whole confidence booster but...I suppose I just enjoy being down since that's all I can do. Would you like to sit and watch the sun set with me?" She patted the spot next to her on the cliff and smiled softly, "Sunsets are always better with company."

Xanyu nodded, "Seems like company would be nice...Though why would you want to be down?" She went to the spot the girl patted and sat down. "Doesn't it....hurt? I used to be sad all the time and it felt like I was literally being stepped upon..... Oh, my name's Xanyu."

Sandria smiled softly at Xanyu, "It's not that I like to be down, it's just something that happens a lot. I tend to attract the worst of things. My life has been one big...suck-magnet, if you will. I - I have a lot of issues and to top them all off, I have little to no one to turn to. And it hurts...OH it hurts. Sometimes it hurts so bad I'm still trying to recover from the last...time I...hurt." She gestured lamely at her eyepatch and then dropped her hand to her lap, "Am I babbling? I'm babbling aren't I?..." She looked down and then up at Xanyu, "Am I piling too much on you? I mean, I abrely know you..."

Xanyu shook her head. "It's alright. Sometimes one needs someone to confide in. I actually understand what you're feeling. Have you ever felt the betrayal of someone you had trusted...who was your family? It's not fun." She looked down past the cliff side. "Father made me feel worthless....."

A look of sympathetic pain flashed across Sandria's face, "Family...it hurts worse when it's family. People's betrayal you can brush aside sometimes without so much as a second glance, because you hardly know them or they don't know you but family? Family is personal...and some of my hurt was...IS family. Well, I suppose it could be worse, yes?" She looked at Xanyu and smiled slightly, "You could have no one at all who knew what it felt like to hurt like you do. At least there's someone who gets you in one way or another. My family rejected me and, for the longest time, I felt alone and unworthy to even breathe but...someone found me and told me that I wasn't alone, that I wasn't worthless. Did you have someone like that for you?" She paused before she remembered her manners, "And I'm Illisandria."

Xanyu shrugged, "I wouldn't know. It was pretty lonely. Father didn't really let me out often except to do...."work". No one really cared about me.." She thought a moment. "Well, one person helped me. Mr. Narving was the person who brought me here. Because of him, I have friends....I think..." She looked up at the sunset. "It's alot better here, if anything. I'm not locked up yet I'm comfortable just staying on this island."

Sandria nodded, finding herself liking Xanyu more and more--she was a kindred spirit. "I never really was locked up but I was at the receiving end of various "Witch Hunts" and that wasn't too fun either. At least here I don't get chased by Southern Baptists yelling something about me being the "product of yer lyin' bitch of a muther an' Sat'n hisself"." She imitated a Southern Georgia Christian twang pretty accurately. "This island is cut off from the prying eyes of the world, a place where everyone is different and not too many people will hate you for it. Though I suppose everyone's got their hates and such." She gazed off into the distance and listened to the sounds of day recede as the nighttime music crescendoed into a loud swell. There was a bout of silence as she just enjoyed having someone to sit next to her and not judge her then she smiled again, "I had friends. They were nice to me even though I wasn't one of them. They read to me when I couldn't even touch books and they kept me company when I felt alone. They were the closest thing I could have to a true family, the birth family notwithstanding, and I miss them. I, surprisingly, get rather homesick. Do you miss home?" She stared at Xanyu, finally taking in what she looked like and surprised by the beauty she saw in the pointed face and dark eyes. She saw something of herself there, hurt and loneliness, and wanted to take her face up in her hands and tell her directly, You are beautifully unique. Be proud of who you are. But then again, that would make her a hypocrite and she hated hypocrites almost as much as dragons. Instead, fingering her eyepatch and the wound that lay beneath it, she sighed, "I know this is a bit odd but...well I barely know you...you're really the first one to listen...would you...be my friend? That is--I mean--could I consider you my friend? 'Cause...I would be yours." Blushing, she looked away, please don't say no. I shouldn't have asked that...she'll think I'm weird and I'll be alone again...
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((GAH! I'm blathering!!! Sorry...needy character+late at night+cramping up=blathering Sandria. I do apologise for the oddness of this.))

Xanyu couldn't help letting a quiet giggle escape. The accent Illisandria used and the words spoken were ones she had only seen on tv. She looked at the girl, "Be glad you weren't looked up. I hardly felt...like a person." She then nodded. "Mr. Narving assured me, that I would be safe here. Said father wouldn't find me and hurt me again."

Xanyu shook her head. "Even though I was used to my bad life in New York, I don't want to return to it....but I don't know if I have the choice. Once I graduate...or whatever it is they do here, I'd probably have to return. I have nowhere else to go." For a split second, a sort of sad fear flashed across her face as the image of her father's face went through her mind. How extremely upset he'd be.

The image went away as Illisandria spoke again. Xanyu blinked. Did that question really need an answer? She smiled, "That would be nice Illisandria. Better to have friends than not."

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It's alright. I like reading so I don't mind.

At first Sandria didn't know what to say, emotions welling up inside of her that she couldn't identify-a mix of gratitude, sorrow, happiness, and something else...something alien. She decided to just give in to the feeling of happiness and began to cry, tears sizzling down the left side of her face, the right side dry as a bone. She hugged herself as she sniffled, stammering out a response, "Th-thank you...you're my-my first friend since the wyrms. And...you have no idea how much that means to me...Thank you." She nodded and smiled, wobbily, "Thank's Xanyu." The sun had set enough that it was getting dark outside, and cold--even for Sandria's standards. "It's getting late, d'you wanna go inside? I know this cozy little spot in the study in between the dining hall and the library. It's right up the grand staircase so it's easy to reach."
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((Thank you for indulgint me. ))

Xanyu widened her eyes. Yet again, Illisandria exhibited behavior that she had only seen on tv. She hesitantly reached a grey hand and patted her new friend's shoulder. "You're very welcome. Actually, you're my first real friend. Everyone else I just don't know. Many are nice, some are tolerant, but none have asked to be my friend."

Xanyu nodded in agreement. "That'd be nice, it's getting to be a little chilly." She got up, offering a hand to help Illisandria up. "It sounds like a nice place. You lead the way?"

She grabbed Xanyu's hand and stood up, "Let's go then."
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