Self Reliance

Shae's laughter wasn't exactly what he expected, and he blinked in surprise at the outburst, going over his words to try and figure out what caused it. Sure, he expressed himself in quite a... pompous way, as he often did, but it couldn't have been that funny, could it?

Richard watched Shae as the student talked, and slowly a crease appeared in his brow. Well, well, so the cherished boyfriend provoked him...? It was hard to predict how much of it was true, and how much would just be Shae's personal perspective, but it sure added another angle to look at the matter from.

"Wait... so do you suppose he wouldn't be pleased knowing you're here now?"

Richard hummed in thought. So many reasons why that could be the case, and none of them too pleasant. At least now he knew the boyfriend's identity. And that in itself added another flavor to the mix.

He pause to think... well maybe he mightn't like it if Shae spoke aloud about certain things that had happened. He knew Ndale preferred not to think about them... but Shae was being very general, he hadn't said anything so far that he thought the cheetah might protest.

"Hmmm... no, I don't think he'd really care all that much... I just don't think he'd be proud, not... NOT proud either but he wouldn't be proud." It just wasn't like him. That had helped him a bit though, just the hilarity of his previous thought had helped him to feel more confident. His usual manner was coming about more now, he relaxed back a bit in his chair and was no longer glancing around for an escape. It might not stay that way, but it was at the moment.

Not proud... And Shae found the concept that he could be in some way amusing. At least it seemed to lift his spirits a bit; but between Spyridon's warning, that gym lesson, various glimpses, and now Shae's words, the picture Richard had of Ndale was... hardly reassuring.

The next thing he wanted to ask could be obvious, yes, but he'd lived long enough to know people didn't always go for the obvious solutions, as glaring as they sometimes were. He intertwined his fingers, idly wondering just how dysfunctional this relationship was.

"Have you tried talking with him about what triggers your episodes and how to avoid them?"

He made a small 'hmm' noise as he tried to remember.
"We have talked about it... but not in the context of trying to avoid it no.. it.. never really seemed to stem from anything other than me being.. careless, I suppose. I have to try and keep myself from losing it as best I can, and I've told him.. if I ever do lose myself.. not to hang around just to find out what happens but, other than that.. no not really."

Actually the topic was a lot of the time avoided. Because it made him uncomfortable.. like he was feeling a bit now. And it made Ndale uncomfortable too- or so he thought, anyway. So they just didn't bring it up.

Well, at least that much was good, he supposed. Shae had the decency to tell him to get away... But clearly, that system wasn't working out as well as it should, since the kid ended up here in his office. Tsk.

Simply trying to restrain such urges rarely worked.

He cleared his throat. "Perhaps that is worth a shot, then. I'm afraid this won't go far without his cooperation." Suddenly, he felt a bit weary and a flicker of irritation lit up somewhere deep within him. This whole matter seemed to be so... simple to him, and he really disliked looking down on others' problems, he did, but... he felt like he had seen this before. And being patient when it seemed people willingly chose to be blind was difficult to be sure.

Richard gave himself a moment for the feeling to pass, regarding Shae with a look that appeared simply thoughtful. Finally he took a deep breath and inclined forward slightly, folding his arms on the desk.

"How about exercising those needs in a controlled way?" He quirked an eyebrow slightly. "A consensual way?"

He was aware that at some point, he was probably going to have to tell Ndale that he'd come here.. and, as he was unsure what to expect, he wasn't sure he was looking forward to that moment. He didn't like being unsure of things... which was ironic really, because when he was with Ndale he was rarely sure of anything.

"A consensual way for me to be a sadistic maniac?" he had to raise a brow there, what excactly could Richard possibly have in mind. Unless he was trying to get at other bedroom activities of which there were already a lot of, but none of which seemed to help in that way. Or maybe he had an actual solution. Either way he was interested to hear it. "I'm really not sure what you could mean by that..."

Richard couldn't help but give a light amused snort. "If that's what you want to call it, yes. Suppressing your instinct doesn't seem to be effective, so maybe you should consider working with it, not against it. Trying to channel that urge in a way that isn't destroying the both of you." He shrugged, leaning back and giving Shae a slightly apologetic look. "I'm not going to lie to you, I cannot present that as a solution I am sure would work. I am not going to pretend I understand everything about your situation. It's just something worth considering, perhaps."

It would definitely require strict cooperation with the boyfriend, though, and he had his doubts about the communication between them. Another necessity would be giving a means of self-defense to Ndale... a way to stop things when they were going too far.

Richard picked up the deck of cards and started to idly shuffle it again.
"What brings an end to those episodes of yours? Do you stop only when you're satisfied, or when you manage to rein yourself in, or perhaps there is something that can make you snap out of it?"

He considered this.
Going with it... he couldn't see Ndale enjoying anything that he wanted to do based on those kinds of instincts. And he couldn't see any way in which they wouldn't involve him hurting someone. Unless Ndale wanted to help him murder people, which in all honestly didn't sound like a very... traditional kind of date.

"It ends... well... sometimes he gets through to me and I pull through or come to my senses... other times I'm done and then I realize. It's... hard to say but perhaps there could be something.." he didn't know. He didn't know enough about himself to know. He was entirely uncertain and he didn't like it. It didn't seem like it was a situation under his control. And he hated not having control.
Either way, he knew he'd have to try.

((AMG I'm SOO sorry DXX this took me like a million forevers!!))

He nodded. "You said that sometimes he gets through to you. What did he do in the cases that this occurred?"
Maybe that was the right track, maybe it wasn't. It was worth a try, either way - it wasn't like there was much else to work with. Trying to find another wisp would be a crapshoot - even if there were others to be found, they weren't guaranteed to have answers. There had to be another solution.

How far down the line that solution laid was another matter entirely.

Richard shrugged slightly and put the cards down, as if to adapt a more serious manner. "Shae. Do you think you could sit your boyfriend down and have a honest talk with him about this, or would that be difficult to achieve?"


((That's ok, as long as you reply eventually~!))

Shae thought over the question.
What did Ndale do... he honestly didn't know and couldn't remember. Just sometimes he got through and sometimes he didn't.
"I.. I don't know. Honestly it seems random- sometimes he does.. and.. other times..."
He trailed off and felt uncomfortable again, stopping his sentence there.

Talking to Ndale. Well it wasn't like they didn't talk.. and it wasn't like they hadn't talked about this but, it always seemed like they never reached any conclusion to any real problems, or indeed rarely actually addressed them. "As for talking with Ndale... well.. we talk. It's.. difficult sometimes, but yes.. I can try talking to him."

The main problem was that Shae didn't want to leave it at an agreement to keep these things at bay- he wanted to eradicate the chance that he would hurt Ndale. Completely. That seemed impossible at best but.. he would still try.

((I officially suck donkey tails. From now on all replies on everything within three days- and no video games until I have.))

Richard tutted in disappointment, leaning back in his chair. Well, that was hardly useful, really.

"Perhaps that is exactly what you should talk about with him, then. Maybe he can remember more clearly."

He sighed, wishing he could give Shae some actual answers, not just his best guess. The feeling of helplessness was annoying; it made him realize how little he actually knew. This case especially was out of his area of expertise. He knew human problems, human issues, and Shae's was anything but.

Every moment, though, he was learning. Whether or not that was what he wanted was another matter entirely.

"And then," he continued. "you should experiment with it. Try to call it up at a moment when your boyfriend is prepared and can defend himself." He waved a hand dismissively. "If that is not an option, he will probably have to be prepared every moment. Still, you need to find out what can stop those fits of yours. That might not be the only solution, but it's the only one I can see."


((Sounds good xD I kinda lost hope on this one))

he bit his lip.
He wasn't eager to experience another episode much less try and induce one.. it would be fine in theory he supposed- but they couldn't know unless they tried, and if they tried... things could go wrong.
Still.
If it was his only real option, it was what he would do. Even if he stuck to theory.
At worst he'd go out and steal a taser from someplace- not that Ndale would agree to use it, and it was doubtful he could be convinced to. Why did Ndale have to value Shae's well being so much. He was hardly fragile- easily broken yes, but also easily fixed. Unlike Ndale.

"Well.. I suppose that's what I'll do then... I must admit I'm not hugely big on the idea of triggering anything, but I'll do what I have to to make sure he is safe. As long as I'm not putting him at too much risk in the process." He leant back in the chair as he spoke. "I will find something if I keep looking, I have forever to search it seems... but Ndale does not."

"Yes..." He sighed. This could go so wrong so easily; and some of the blame would be his. "I cannot stress how important it is that you talk to him first. Make sure he has some means of self-defense." He paused for a moment, thinking. "Perhaps your hands should be tied."

It was hard to come up with other precautions, not knowing exactly what was it that Shae did; but he wasn't sure if he wanted to know. The image was likely to be of the kind that's hard to get out of one's mind.

Richard smiled sadly. "Knowing that your partner's lifespan is drastically shorter than yours is not an easy thing to get over. But there's still plenty of time, isn't there? He's still young."


((...x3 ? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrziYF6bVAE ))

((^^; yeah...))

"Oh I will talk to him first, I wont do anything that I can't be sure is safe.. it's too easy to break people. They're very fragile. Usualy, I wouldn't care of course, but I wont take any chances here." he was adamant. No risks. None.

After Richards last statement/question however he looked away to the side with a sad and slightly forced smile. "Yeah... still young." Ndales, age and illness were not his to disclose, and he had a feeling Ndale didn't want them to be. So instead he just sighed before turning back, feeling that this conversation could go nowhere good and was unlikely to be helpful, at least at this time. "I suppose that's all there is really to talk about now though, isn't it."

Shae's conviction was reassuring - maybe, with enough precautions, this 'test' would have some good results, or at least, not make things worse. He nodded in simple agreement.

The sudden, rather unexplainable sadness made Richard think that no, it wasn't all that there was to talk about; but of course, it was Shae's decision. The counselor stood up. "Very well, then. My fingers are crossed for you both." He raised his eyebrows slightly in an honest expression. "And thank you for trusting me with this, Shae. If you ever need help, well, you know where to find me."
How much help he was capable of was another matter, but sometimes, even a little went a long way. Perhaps this would be one such case...